Inspired by the confession of Misha Defonseca for admitting that her book, "Misha: A Memoire of the Holocaust Years" was a fabrication , that she never lived with wolves nor played guard for the 1973 Boston Celtics, the.effing.librarian (the "corporation") has a few bits of reality we would like admit to being outright lies:
I never "Borat wrestled" Gerald Ford to win the affections of Valerie Bertinelli.
I was never employed by the McDonald's Corporation as a "Ronald McDonald." I just really dug the look and dressed like Ronald for three years. I'm legally required to use this forum to publicly apologize to all the children whose parties I ruined:
I'm sorry. If I eat too much sugar, it makes me act "funny."
To Melissa Hogarth, I'm sorry I kept referring to you as a boy. And to Andrew "Don't call me Andy" Chaykin, and William Roselyn Bellforth, I apologize for calling you girls. I know it's what you wanted for your birthdays, to be recognized for who you are; it's just your parents who didn't (and don't) understand. Rock on.
I never performed on the Vicki Sue Robinson hit, "Turn the Beat Around," although I did sing to it at a karaoke bar last weekend, and again last night. And again maybe later tonight.
I ask forgiveness to all who feel/felt betrayed. I am who I am, but I will strive to be better. But not today.