Friday Funnies

Unfortunate Encyclopedic Volumes

An amusing Friday Funny from over at Gargoyles loose in the library: "From the "What were they thinking?" department": They were processing the new four-volume Berkshire Encyclopedia of World Sport and couldn't help but notice the humor in how the volumes are divided. Volume 3 is sort of unfortunate, but volume 4 is just downright funny.

What the He*L was I thinking?

My husband just informed me he accepted a bet with his boss that he could put his tongue on a hot rotor for 20 seconds. If he won he would get free lunch for everyone. He "only" made it for 10 seconds. I am not sure how to take this information (other than I wonder if somebody hid some beer in a trash can at his place of employment and maybe everyone has been drinking since 7 am) I guess since we both chose low paying professions he is now so desparate for food he is willing to burn his tongue right out of his skull. I chose to be a public librarian. I work at a job that requires me to have a master's degree, get paid less than what I owe in student loans, work evenings, weekends and field all kinds of odd ball requests and situations. Fire in the bathroom, no problem. Kids rollerblading in the reference area, happens about once a week. Kids who come in for the day complete with cooler: well at least they are well behaved. Child vomits on floor, yep happens more than I care to remember. Patron wants you to (choose one) purchase airline tickets for you, complete transaction on Amazon or Ebay for you, write up resume for them, give tax advice, fill out an online form for benefits, give them a hug (really happened to me several times), and once, at one library I worked at, a request to bring the books right to the persons house (and no we did not have a books in the mail program) What the heck was I thinking when I chose this profession? And why do I still work in it?

The Silencer

Anonymous Patron writes "Scott McLemee Is no Extremist, but yet.... The decline of Western civilization proceeds apace. One shudders to imagine life in decades hence. A case in point: People now use cell phones in research libraries. "This situation is intolerable. It must not continue. I have given this matter long consideration, and can offer a simple and elegant solution: These people ought to be shot.""

FBI does not have email because it is a threat

mdoneil writes "Robert Muller head of the FBI said all agents to not have external email addresses because it may be a security threat.

"E-mails can also be the source of viruses," said Mueller. "They can be a source of worms. They can be used to launch denial of service attacks. And consequently, in our secure environment we have to use e-mail in a closed system, but also have access to e-mail outside. And we do have that."

The Tampa SAIC said everyone has email accounts in his office. For more read the BayNews9 story here.
Ya know, sometimes I just want to gouge my eyes out when I read such stupidity. If the FBI can't secure its network then why do I even bother. Who lets these clowns speak in public, we would be better off with Ice-T opening the new FBI office."

You *went* to a library?

Today's Zits comic strip ought to make it onto hundreds of librarians' bulletin boards and at least one presentation slide at PLA or CiL next week.

Get it today, because it looks like it'll be behind a paywall tomorrow.

Spelling Smackdown: Nuns vs. Librarians

mdoneil writes "No, its not the Baltimore Catechism you'll need for this one, it is Webster's.

The Sisters of St. Walburg Monastery will be taking on the Boone County, Kentucky Librarians.

More from the Associated Press here.
I've got a fiver on the sisters."

A Great Writer - Friday Funny

Great Writers--from The Joke Library

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Funny Patron Conversations

Today's Friday Funnies comes to us from Tales from the "Liberry" and ricklibrarian.

ricklibrarian had an amusing phone call at the desk earlier in the week that was right out of Monty Python. "A woman called the library to request that we check our shelves for an item. I had trouble understanding her. Her voice was fuzzy and there were loud children's voices in the background. I think she was in a kitchen on a speaker phone. I had to ask her twice the title of the item. Just as I understood, she yelled, "Leave him alone! I told you to leave him alone!" I identified the item in the catalog and told her I was going to check the shelf."

Tales from the "Liberry" gives us Actual Conversations Heard in Actual Libraries #40, "Hey, do you got any tax forms here?"

Recommended: Librarian's Guide to Etiquette

Daniel writes "Today a coworker posted some excerpts from Librarian's Guide to Etiquette and I was immediately seized by giggles. In hopes that you will be too, here are a few quotes:

  • "If you are a candidate for a librarian position and someone from the search committee asks, "If you were a garden tool, what kind of garden tool would you be? And why?"... it is perfectly acceptable for you get up and walk out of the interview without saying another word."
  • "You can never be too careful when you suspect the caller is pranking you at the Reference Desk. It is especially risky to mock the person's voice when responding to a suspected pranker. Don't learn this lesson the hard way."

Congratulations to Sal and J for lightening the moods of librarians everywhere. At least for those of us whose humor trends snarky."

A Writer 'Fesses Up

In response to recent revelations about the work of J T Leroy and James Frey (A Million Little Pieces), funny man Tim Carvell writes an op-ed in today's NYT about plaguarism, errors, omissions and elisions (?) in his best-selling memoir , "A Brief History of Tim".

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